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Why Standing is Stupid - An Open Letter
I thought about doing this is 2 parts, but no. Just read the whole thing.
Last night I attended the Between the Buried and Me/Coheed & Cambria concert at Radio City Music Hall. I’ve been looking forward to this show since November when the concert was announced, and I purchased my ticket before they all sold out within an hour. It wasn’t cheap, either. Normally, a BTBAM show would cost 20-30 bucks - this ticket was 2-3x more than that. I assume the reason being it’s really a Coheed show, since they’re headlining, and that it’s at Radio City Music Hall.
Read that again: The Progressive Metal band Between the Buried and Me - mostly (if not completely) inaccessible to most casual music listeners, was performing at one of the classiest, fanciest, and most extravagant venues in the country. As a man who loves metal, but HATES metal crowds (ie mosh pits, circle pits, smelly arm pits, etc), this was a great chance to sit* and watch my favorite band of my adult life. (though Blink182 will always have a place in my heart)
*”sit” is the key word. I’m getting there.
Last year I was lucky enough to catch BTBAM in their last headlining tour (until I-don’t-know-when-the-next-one-is) with Animals as Leaders and Periphery at the Best Buy Theatre. I was also there with a hot girl, which made it super great. Even better was the fact that the Best Buy Theatre has seating behind the sound board/general admission floor area. Like I said, I hate metal crowds, let alone simply standing for a period of more than 30 minutes. So me and my girl sat front row behind the sound board and had an amazing view of the stage, and heard BTBAM rock out the way they’re intended to sound live. Great show.
For RCMH, I made sure I bought a ticket in the general area of where the sound and view would be worth the cost of the ticket. Section ZZ, seat 409. The seat was LOVELY. I couldn’t wait to sit and listen to BTBAM progressively melt my brain.
Before I go on, I understand I’m in the minority of wanting to sit during a BTBAM concert. But for me, an old man at heart, there are reasons I do so:
1) BTBAM is a band you listen to - not watch. They don’t move around a lot. Their songs do. You gotta pay attention. They’re not background music while you mosh. They barely have any “chug chug” breakdowns in their songs; they’re too fluid and flowing, with time signatures far too advanced to even keep up with just headbanging.
2) I don’t want to pay a lot of money to have men sweat on me, crush me, push me, or touch me.
3) This is America. I can sit if I so choose.*
4) BTBAM was opening for Coheed. Many many fans there were not there to see BTBAM. In fact, some folks were overheard saying, “I don’t know why BTBAM is even on this tour. They suck. They’re nothing like Coheed. All they do is scream.” Not true, but you see the mindset of fans, and those fans don’t stand in seated aisles to watch a band they’re not invested in.
*This allows a clear counterargument to this entire post, but I don’t care.
On comes BTBAM. They opened with “Astral Body” off of Parallax II: Future Sequence. We get 30 seconds in, and this chubby, seemingly slow-minded, jerk of a guy 2 rows in front of me STANDS UP and starts going crazy for BTBAM like a fratboy at a DMB concert. This is Radio City Music Hall. Literally hundreds of seats surround this guy. He is the only one standing. He’s a huge piece of crap. Aside from the physical act of standing, here are the other reasons he sucks:
1) He’s there with his dad. This guy is clearly in his 20’s and he brings his dad to a BTBAM concert?! His dad doesn’t know BTBAM at all, which is evident due to his son smacking his shoulder in a “check this part out! check this out!” manner before every “cool” part of a song. It’s like when I would make my step dad listen to “Lobster Bucket” by The Aquabats to hear hand farts and clarinet. I was also 15 when I did that. The standing buttonhole is much older. Nothing worse than trying to get your dad’s approval through pro metal.
2) Off-beat head banging. You have to appreciate the musical talent of BTBAM. I feel like many who enjoy BTBAM’s music are also musically savvy. Like, you know what a down-beat is and you know how to FRIGGIN HEADBANG AT A METAL SHOW! I don’t know what song this kid was listening to, but it was a totally different tempo than the one being played on stage.
3) He was wearing a wallet chain. Unless you’re a time traveler from the late-90’s pop punk/ska era, or Reese Roper of Five Iron Frenzy, you have no right wearing a wallet chain. Especially at a metal show. Loser.
4) He’s wearing band merch of the band he’s going to see. I’m an advocate of the rule that you DON’T WEAR MERCH OF THE BAND YOU’RE GOING TO SEE. The exceptions to the rule are if you bought that piece of merch at that show, or it’s literally the only piece of clothing you own. He was wearing a BTBAM shirt AND A BTBAM HAT! Both were not for sale at the show. Maybe I’ve seen the movie PCU too many times, but it really lessens the worth of a human if he does such a thing.
5) He honestly believed the band on stage could see him and hear him. Sorry, bro, but Tommy Rogers does not see you give him the metal sign. He most certainly can’t hear you sing along from Row XX Seat 410. Even though you really give it your best efforts by cupping your hands around your mouth to “be way louder”. You know who does hear you? The people around you who totally want to NOT hear you.
6) Completely unaware of his actions. This is the worst. He doesn’t see everyone around him sitting. He doesn’t hear everyone around him tell him to sit down. He doesn’t know his dad hates him. He doesn’t know he’ll never be anything important in life. He doesn’t’ know BTBAM and they love never ever knowing him.
Am I being a huge hater right now? Probably. Am I acting like a hipster, music snob. Yeah, probably. But y’know what? I paid a lot of money for my experience and it was deflated by this portly lil bugger.
I think maybe I’m just an old fart who has officially become detached from modern trends, “kids these days”, and how to accept people for who they are. But at least I’m self aware.
I leave you with a link to a vine of one of the best parts of Ants of the Sky, beautifully blocked by the lil bastid.
Anonymous asked: what is the greatest number of farts you have ever eaten in one day
17. almost tied that this morning.
you have great taste in music dude! i love your 11 greatest bands list i agree on so many of them, and the others that i dont know im about to check out \m/
Anonymous asked: If you had to be naked one day out of the year, which day would you choose? ( No towels outside the bathroom and other cheat tactics! )
Rotary Day. But Saturdays are close seconds.
Top 10 Reasons I haven’t posted to this site since August